Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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