you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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