Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
