just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
