Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
