When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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