Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
