So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
