I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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