No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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