I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
