Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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