And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
