Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
