Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I am available for nakedness
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Congratulations! We have a period
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
