she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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