Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
