my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
