You're my little dorito
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize