my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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