Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im part way to drunk.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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