I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
