He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
