so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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