Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
