If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize