he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize