Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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