i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
