We named our party play list daddy issues
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
