A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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