Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
