Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
