Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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