i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
