He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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