Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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