There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
