I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
