This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
