i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
