a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
