nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
