I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
