Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
