True but thats because hes a fetus.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
