what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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