so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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