Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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