I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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