Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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