Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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