her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Boobs speak an international language.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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