You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
