I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
