I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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