We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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