so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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