We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
