I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
