paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
