last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
