this beer tastes like vomit already
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize