If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
