My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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