he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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